“We are the 56 tubs of Clorox Wipes you bought at the beginning of the pandemic” on McSweeney’s

We get it. You panicked. You thought: “This virus is coming for my family and me. What do I have to defend us? Soap? F***ing Irish Spring? I don’t think so.”

No, you wanted us, disposable cloths soaked in a disinfectant that can eradicate 99.9% of germs. On March 13, you sped to the store. You knew right where to go: aisle seven, next to the mops, and where the toilet paper used to be. And there we were. Portable. Disposable. Hoardable. Lavender and lemon-scented.

But can we talk?